If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
