Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
