I wish my penis had an off switch
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
