Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
