Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
