White coat. Heels.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
