Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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