wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
