Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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