my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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