Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
