I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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