she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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