Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
