I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
