I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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