I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
