dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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