I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
