maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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