she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
