nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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