He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
