i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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