After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
