The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
