I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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