good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
