we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
