Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
