so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
