yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
