I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
