What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
