Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
