Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
