It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
