When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There r osticjed everywhere
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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