Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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