I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
