she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
