It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
