checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
