Jerry, you need to find god
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
