forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
