ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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