Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
