Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
