so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
