Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
